Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Open Letter
To my brother Keith,
I know that we were never buddies nor did we ever just hang out or shoot the shit. I know that things between us were never that great, but we were brothers. I'd like to think that if I got into a fight with some one besides you that you would have my back. I like to think the same of myself. Now I have to ask you this. How could you be so fucking selfish? I know you'd never say your sorry to me. I wouldn't expect it from you. But you should say your sorry to your niece. You know the only one you have that loves you unconditionally and loves it when you would twirl her around so that she could feel that feeling of flying. Why didn't you think of her? Why? Her birthday party was coming up in two weeks and now she doesn't have an uncle there. The worst part about all of this is you did it over a girl. Not even a woman but a girl. Some one who had no idea what the hell they wanted out of life except to know that they wanted to get drunk this Friday night. You selfish bastard. Why would you ever consider doing something like this? Since when is this a good idea? You have no idea how you make the people around you feel. This one person, she won't give a shit in two weeks and yet some how this is to make it better? What in the world were you thinking? You took the easy way out. You decided that you'd had enough. WHY DO YOU GET TO DECIDE!!! I was ready for the call at 10 in the morning say you'd wrapped your truck around a tree that I could have lived with but this WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?!?!
I'm sorry Keith but this is what you get when you do this kind of thing. I wish I would have said something sooner but hindsight is 20/20. I can cry all I want but it won't bring you back just for one minute so that I could tell you that you are my bother.
This letter is in reponse to my brothers suicide on June 21 2006.
To my brother Keith,
I know that we were never buddies nor did we ever just hang out or shoot the shit. I know that things between us were never that great, but we were brothers. I'd like to think that if I got into a fight with some one besides you that you would have my back. I like to think the same of myself. Now I have to ask you this. How could you be so fucking selfish? I know you'd never say your sorry to me. I wouldn't expect it from you. But you should say your sorry to your niece. You know the only one you have that loves you unconditionally and loves it when you would twirl her around so that she could feel that feeling of flying. Why didn't you think of her? Why? Her birthday party was coming up in two weeks and now she doesn't have an uncle there. The worst part about all of this is you did it over a girl. Not even a woman but a girl. Some one who had no idea what the hell they wanted out of life except to know that they wanted to get drunk this Friday night. You selfish bastard. Why would you ever consider doing something like this? Since when is this a good idea? You have no idea how you make the people around you feel. This one person, she won't give a shit in two weeks and yet some how this is to make it better? What in the world were you thinking? You took the easy way out. You decided that you'd had enough. WHY DO YOU GET TO DECIDE!!! I was ready for the call at 10 in the morning say you'd wrapped your truck around a tree that I could have lived with but this WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?!?!
I'm sorry Keith but this is what you get when you do this kind of thing. I wish I would have said something sooner but hindsight is 20/20. I can cry all I want but it won't bring you back just for one minute so that I could tell you that you are my bother.
This letter is in reponse to my brothers suicide on June 21 2006.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Damn it
I hate these depressed moods I get in to. Hate them it just sucks. I know that by writing this down I'll feel better and in the morning I feel better as well. I'm just glad I'm not drinking any more, cause that would just make this mood so much worse.
I can confidantly say that it wasn't going to happen so that makes me feel bad. At the very least I have people who I would now consider friends who I probably wouldn't before. But is that honestly as far as its ever going to get. Friends. I hated the show and I hate being "just friends." Most of it is my fault. I don't play hard to get I am hard to get. I don't show a whole lot of emotion towards people its just not me. I don't know how to "win some one over" it really sucks. I know how to make people laugh and how to get people to hang around with me but thats all its ever been for me. I know that it will take some work on my part to find the 'right person' but as of right now I don't want to work at finding that person. I like being alone but at the same time detest it. At least I can always bury myself in work and hope it doesn't get to the point where I wouldn't be doing anything and I would start to think about this. uhg.
also as a side note I was thinking about this in the car on the way home. I have never been any ones anything. I have never been some ones best friend, i have never been some ones special other. Hell I am just the middle child. Not the 1st boy, not the oldest not the youngest. I'm the middle one. The one who was never really 'cared for'. I just feel so left out right now, and pretty up always have. I know some people who will call me once and awhile and invite me out and that feels good, but still I just can't get over this feeling of being 'unwanted.'
Its like one of those old west posters but instead its a picture of me saying UNWANTED instead of wanted. Well fuck it I'll feel better in the morning.
Song of the Day: Static-X "Dirthouse"
Thought O Day: See above.
I hate these depressed moods I get in to. Hate them it just sucks. I know that by writing this down I'll feel better and in the morning I feel better as well. I'm just glad I'm not drinking any more, cause that would just make this mood so much worse.
I can confidantly say that it wasn't going to happen so that makes me feel bad. At the very least I have people who I would now consider friends who I probably wouldn't before. But is that honestly as far as its ever going to get. Friends. I hated the show and I hate being "just friends." Most of it is my fault. I don't play hard to get I am hard to get. I don't show a whole lot of emotion towards people its just not me. I don't know how to "win some one over" it really sucks. I know how to make people laugh and how to get people to hang around with me but thats all its ever been for me. I know that it will take some work on my part to find the 'right person' but as of right now I don't want to work at finding that person. I like being alone but at the same time detest it. At least I can always bury myself in work and hope it doesn't get to the point where I wouldn't be doing anything and I would start to think about this. uhg.
also as a side note I was thinking about this in the car on the way home. I have never been any ones anything. I have never been some ones best friend, i have never been some ones special other. Hell I am just the middle child. Not the 1st boy, not the oldest not the youngest. I'm the middle one. The one who was never really 'cared for'. I just feel so left out right now, and pretty up always have. I know some people who will call me once and awhile and invite me out and that feels good, but still I just can't get over this feeling of being 'unwanted.'
Its like one of those old west posters but instead its a picture of me saying UNWANTED instead of wanted. Well fuck it I'll feel better in the morning.
Song of the Day: Static-X "Dirthouse"
Thought O Day: See above.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
more dreams
had this really weird dream while sleeping. I was at one of those experiental places where they try things on you for pay. I guess something like covance maybe. Well it was at the Madison East High School or at least that what the signs said. Anyway they were hooking what looked like jumper cables up to our chests then shocking us. Anyway I met this really cute girl and my dream sticks right over the talking part to where I am sitting next to her and it resembles to people who really like each other sitting on a couch holding each other while watching movies. Anyway every few minutes I have to let her go so she can get shocked then I can get shocked. I know fucked up. Well this goes on for a while until the end of the experiments. We leave together and she takes me to her house which is just a few blocks from where I parked my car in a parking complex. Which by the way was only accesable by walking through the front door of some run down house. She says she wants to take me some where but her car has a flat so could I get some one to come and flix the flat? Well the rest of the dream deals with me running to find a phone book, and when I do I come to realize that she is having a snow ball fight and completely ignoring me. I also find out that there is a car dealer ship that sells tires just a block from where her car is. The dream then jumps into the dealership as I am walking around in it. Then I finally get a full on view of the girl and its some I've met and kind of know but not really. Dreams are messed up POS's.
Song of the Day: System of a Down "Sugar"
Thought O' Day: I need to talk to a professional.
had this really weird dream while sleeping. I was at one of those experiental places where they try things on you for pay. I guess something like covance maybe. Well it was at the Madison East High School or at least that what the signs said. Anyway they were hooking what looked like jumper cables up to our chests then shocking us. Anyway I met this really cute girl and my dream sticks right over the talking part to where I am sitting next to her and it resembles to people who really like each other sitting on a couch holding each other while watching movies. Anyway every few minutes I have to let her go so she can get shocked then I can get shocked. I know fucked up. Well this goes on for a while until the end of the experiments. We leave together and she takes me to her house which is just a few blocks from where I parked my car in a parking complex. Which by the way was only accesable by walking through the front door of some run down house. She says she wants to take me some where but her car has a flat so could I get some one to come and flix the flat? Well the rest of the dream deals with me running to find a phone book, and when I do I come to realize that she is having a snow ball fight and completely ignoring me. I also find out that there is a car dealer ship that sells tires just a block from where her car is. The dream then jumps into the dealership as I am walking around in it. Then I finally get a full on view of the girl and its some I've met and kind of know but not really. Dreams are messed up POS's.
Song of the Day: System of a Down "Sugar"
Thought O' Day: I need to talk to a professional.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Brewers game
I am watching the Milwaukee Brewer/ St. Louis Cardinals game and they just replayed Ned Yost getting run and there were two big things that I caught. One was the umpire yelling THATS BULLSHIT!!! The other way Ned saying to the ump, "FUCK YOU" Its always great to see Neddy blow because when he goes he goes big. Kind of like his former employer Bobby Cox. Neddy was in the umps face too bumping his head with his hat visor.
God I love it when managers blow up like that.
I am watching the Milwaukee Brewer/ St. Louis Cardinals game and they just replayed Ned Yost getting run and there were two big things that I caught. One was the umpire yelling THATS BULLSHIT!!! The other way Ned saying to the ump, "FUCK YOU" Its always great to see Neddy blow because when he goes he goes big. Kind of like his former employer Bobby Cox. Neddy was in the umps face too bumping his head with his hat visor.
God I love it when managers blow up like that.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Ranting
OK so people know by now that slow drivers annoy me. People who don't know what they want. And people that give no eplanation just do it. Also any one who plays Kevin Bacon with people who I don't know or for that matter care to know. Don't tell me that some person did this and that and that they are the father of some person who you heard about. I don't care.
One thing that has been pissy me off a lot though is the express lane or lack of knowledge of how to properly be in the express lane. If you are paying with a check have everything BUT the amount writen out. Do not ask the date or who to write it out to ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE IN FUCKING WAL-MART!!! if you are paying by credit or debit card have the card ready and swipe it before all the things you have have been priced. This means once your stuff starts getting rung up swipe your card. Don't wait til the very end. If you are going to use the express lane and it says 12 or less items or what ever have 12 or less. Don't have 20 and think no one will care. I care that you are being an ass and not reading what you should have been reading and thinking you are more important. They should really have a lane for 5 or less. Or cource then assclowns will still try and pay in check. I say FUCK YOU!!!
http://www.devilducky.com/media/25512/
So how do you take some one not calling you for over a week after two weeks of talking for over 40 minutes each day? You get depressed and wonder what the fuck did I do? Not even a I just wanna be friends or I'm not quite ready for it right now. God women confuse the hell out of me. They depress me too.
Song of the Day: Sevendust "Face to Face"
Thought o' Day: If I went on a killing spree is any one going be surprised?
OK so people know by now that slow drivers annoy me. People who don't know what they want. And people that give no eplanation just do it. Also any one who plays Kevin Bacon with people who I don't know or for that matter care to know. Don't tell me that some person did this and that and that they are the father of some person who you heard about. I don't care.
One thing that has been pissy me off a lot though is the express lane or lack of knowledge of how to properly be in the express lane. If you are paying with a check have everything BUT the amount writen out. Do not ask the date or who to write it out to ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE IN FUCKING WAL-MART!!! if you are paying by credit or debit card have the card ready and swipe it before all the things you have have been priced. This means once your stuff starts getting rung up swipe your card. Don't wait til the very end. If you are going to use the express lane and it says 12 or less items or what ever have 12 or less. Don't have 20 and think no one will care. I care that you are being an ass and not reading what you should have been reading and thinking you are more important. They should really have a lane for 5 or less. Or cource then assclowns will still try and pay in check. I say FUCK YOU!!!
http://www.devilducky.com/media/25512/
So how do you take some one not calling you for over a week after two weeks of talking for over 40 minutes each day? You get depressed and wonder what the fuck did I do? Not even a I just wanna be friends or I'm not quite ready for it right now. God women confuse the hell out of me. They depress me too.
Song of the Day: Sevendust "Face to Face"
Thought o' Day: If I went on a killing spree is any one going be surprised?
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Not that he is the only doctor fulfilling women's vaginal enhancement needs.
That is a line from any article I am read in the most recent Playboy. At 1st I thought it was a fiction article about this lady going in to have some work done but apparently its real. They can inject collegen into the G-spot (the mythical one at that) they can trim the 'lips' incase one is bigger than the other, they can do tucks, they can remove hoods... and all I can think is sumbitch this is getting more and more compliacted maybe I don't want to ever go there. geez. It is an interesting read so far. The title of the article by the way is Rose Bud.
Watched Rescue Me tonight. That is a damn good show. Dennis Leary is funny as hell.
Need a job any leads people? I am willing to be a personal chef/butler/ 50's house wife (minus the sex) unless you are really hot.
Thought O' Day: Damn bills.
Song of the Day: Megadeth "Peace Sells"
That is a line from any article I am read in the most recent Playboy. At 1st I thought it was a fiction article about this lady going in to have some work done but apparently its real. They can inject collegen into the G-spot (the mythical one at that) they can trim the 'lips' incase one is bigger than the other, they can do tucks, they can remove hoods... and all I can think is sumbitch this is getting more and more compliacted maybe I don't want to ever go there. geez. It is an interesting read so far. The title of the article by the way is Rose Bud.
Watched Rescue Me tonight. That is a damn good show. Dennis Leary is funny as hell.
Need a job any leads people? I am willing to be a personal chef/butler/ 50's house wife (minus the sex) unless you are really hot.
Thought O' Day: Damn bills.
Song of the Day: Megadeth "Peace Sells"
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Softball
Any one else watching the college softball world series? Damn some of those girls are hot. But I did see one play where the 2nd base(wo)men was taking throws at 1st instead of the 1st base(wo)man. That was odd.
Also work at the ticket has dwindled I look for other jobs. More applications will be filled out.
I don't know where I stand with some people and that always makes me wonder.
The cuts are healing nicely soon scars will be there. WHOOOO SCARS!!!!
Saw X-Men 3 when it came out. Interesting premise. I am sure some hard cores didn't like it. Can't wait for the Wolverine Movie to come out.
Going to see the Da Vinci Code later. I have a free ticket so I plan on using it. Later folks.
Song of the Day: Ozzy "Paranoid"
Thought O' Day: Should I get that veggy pizza? Sounds good...
Any one else watching the college softball world series? Damn some of those girls are hot. But I did see one play where the 2nd base(wo)men was taking throws at 1st instead of the 1st base(wo)man. That was odd.
Also work at the ticket has dwindled I look for other jobs. More applications will be filled out.
I don't know where I stand with some people and that always makes me wonder.
The cuts are healing nicely soon scars will be there. WHOOOO SCARS!!!!
Saw X-Men 3 when it came out. Interesting premise. I am sure some hard cores didn't like it. Can't wait for the Wolverine Movie to come out.
Going to see the Da Vinci Code later. I have a free ticket so I plan on using it. Later folks.
Song of the Day: Ozzy "Paranoid"
Thought O' Day: Should I get that veggy pizza? Sounds good...
